Father’s Kid or Appa’s Baby

It was the most amazing Thursday Poovathurkaddavil Baby Philips’ had experienced in his forty years of life, at his hilly home town in north-east Kerala. The fact that the RSS – UDF clash in the nearby town of Kannur had left 40 dead did nothing to diminish the bliss. He had just become a proud father and though his ever dutiful wife had borne him 3 other children, this one was certainly different – it was a girl this time. Finding a name for the child took lesser time than lighting a candle at the chapel. With the first three children being named Vincent, Vinton and Vindy, it was a foregone conclusion that the next one would be named Vinny. Though the preferred sex of the arriving one was definitely girl, having a name like Vinny would have helped anyways, even if God had decided to postpone a girl till the next time. The fact that children found their names not the least bit preposterous was more due to the fact that their mates at school had more ridiculous names. In school there already were three siblings Biju, Miju and Siju. There was even a pair of opposite-sex twins who were named Lijo and Liji just because their parents were Lily and Joseph. The Baby family was certainly quite known around the town. With Mr. Baby philip being a government servant employed in the office of the District Agricultural Officer, he hardly had to step out of his house. The number of Bandhs, Hartals and Leaves always summed upto over 300 days. His occasional visit to office was more to bring home the farming goods that were unnecarrily stocked at his office. Hence he had the time and resource to turn the few acres of his inherited family estate into a haven of pepper and coffee. His brother had his own business going in the Gulf (it was widely believed that he had the largest chain of Tea Shops in Jeddah alone) and had managed to smuggle in quite a few Akai products. Like all rich men Baby Philip was quite well known and this made life for the family quite comfortable. Vinny Baby grew as the darling of the house. Most of the days were spent playing Hopscotch with friends. Watching her brothers climb coconut trees and designing colorful Lungis for her dad were among the favorite past times. She loved school but hardly manage to attend any. Schools never opened during monsoons for fear of the thatched roof collapsing and then there were always enough reasons for teachers to close shop on those rare occassions when it did not rain. However Vinny did spend a sizeable part of her childhood in Sunday Schools. The family being orthodox syrian catholics; church formed a major part of her Sunday life and the rest of the day was spent feasting over various marine and land animals deep fried in coconut oil and garnished with grated coconut.

Venkatapuru Appa Reddy also was born on a Thursday but in the sunny plateaus of Krishna district. His parents welcomed their bundle of joy by offering eleven full grown sheep to their family deity, even as the kid’s maternal uncles had just chopped off the hands of four of their rival caste men. It had certainly taken quite a while for them to have their first kid and knowing that he could be the only one, they decided quite instantly to shower all they had on this little one. The little one however grew quite fast and before they knew was already turning out to be a plumpy pampered pest. Naming the child had certainly taken some deliberation, not just among the different members of the maternal and paternal family but also among their favorite astrologers. A good two years went this way and the name Appa was finally decided probably due to the fact that this was the first word the kid had blurted out. Appa grew up on continuous learning of naxal killings and feudal war fares. This was supplemented with loads of parental love (in the form of the finest ghee and butter) being part of his daily quota of truckloads of rice, sambar and the hottest of mango pickles. He also was a very fast learner. By the age of nine he could recite all of Chiranjeevi’s dialogues by heart. He also knew the complete vital statistics of every single heroine in the Telegu film industry. He very soon learnt to single handedly take care of the family’s large Ganja farm. Climbing down the house’ well (in the walls of which all the cash was stashed away) and brewing home made hooch was among his favorite hobbies. By the age of 13 he also knew that his rich cousin’s new born girl was to be his future wife. Though studies was the last thing in his mind Appa was very smart and had soon realized that his movie heroes got to use automatic self loading weapons to kill their city based villains but had to make do with sickles and knives in the villages. Soon he set his sight on moving out of his tiny hamlet to Hyderabad not just to have a better living but to experience the pleasure of killing people with guns as he had been sick of chopping people with swords.

Vinny Baby grew to become a fine young lady. The gallons of Coconut oil that went into her hair everyday gave her long tresses that accentuated her looks. Her brothers on the other hand also had done decently well for themselves. One held the state record for the fastest coconut tree climbing championship. The other was doing a thesis on making country bombs at home. And the third was already renowned as the fastest growing tea shop magnate in Sharjah. Though as a kid Vinny wanted to be the next PT Usha or Shiny Wilson, she soon realized that like all good Christian Malayalees she had to serve mankind by becoming a nurse. The fact that some of her friends did not join her in her endeavor was quite disappointing though. They preferred to marry the most eligible of the gulf based bachelors around, have children with them and serve the husband’s family while their husbands worked in the oil fields of the sheikhs. Moving the apple of their eye to a nursing school in Mysore was the last thing in her parents mind. But with his wife giving indicators that she would love to send Vinny to a missionary to serve the good lord, Baby Philip instantly decided that being a nurse in faraway Canada was definitely a better bet than being a nun at a seminary nearby. Life in the fast lane could not have been more trying for poor Vinny. College life was absolutely atrocious. When boys called her babes, she could never tell if they were calling her by name or making a pass. They also constantly mocked at her funny way of speaking English. But then she offered them some Banana Chips and all of them became her best friends. The years passed quickly and Vinny soon passed out as an excellent nurse. The only unhappiness was when she could not go to the US and had to settle in a super specialty hospital in Chandigarh.

Appa Reddy got admission into a well renowned Medical college in Hyderabad. Though he neither had the aptitude to do medicine nor the marks to get through the entrance exams, his childhood passion for the city life forced his parents to get him admitted after paying huge donations. His rather rich cousin had decided to completely sponsor his education. After all his daughter was growing pretty fast and the prospects of having a doctor son-in-law was obviously worth more than a few lakhs. The first lesson Appa learnt in the city was that he had the most gauche name in the entire world. If it wasn’t for the lessons on Indian culture that he learnt at school, he had even contemplated suing his parents for giving him this tacky a name. He even realized that unlike movies people in Hyderabad never got to shoot people with guns and hence was forced to continue using knives, this time however at the operating table. Appa loved college and spent more time in class than any of his other colleagues. Infact he ended up spending a full 4 years more at college than his first class mate. While at college he also got to know that his teenaged niece who was to be his future wife was chopped to death by her own father as she had dared to fall in love with a tribal. He did not care to find about the tribal boy’s fate, but was quite pleased to know that the fiancée’s death meant he was single again. In the meanwhile he spent a lot of time learning about medicine and realized it was in the best interest of the people that some other doctor did the healing. So he decided to use a sizeable part of his dad’s wealth to build his own super specialty hospital. And since most of Andhra was already filled with hospitals, he decided to tap the north Indian market. And thus started Reddy’s Super Specialty at Chandigarh.

Chandigarh had suddenly bloomed in mid December. Like straight out of a fairy tale a nurse was marrying the managing director of the hospital. It was love at first sight when Appa had met Vinny. Appa had caught flu and the best nurse of his hospital was summoned to give him a shot of an anti-viral drug. The injection Vinny gave Appa was the sweetest he had ever received in his life and soon love blossomed. After a brief courtship they married. Family opinion was thrashed. Though initially reluctant both families gave way. Baby Philip was only unhappy that she had not married an NRI. Appa’s father had lesser problems. Only he did not know enough of kerala. His only knowledge of God’s own country was that good porn movies were made there and he himself had spoilt his sleep on a few Saturday nights to experience them. Soon there was a new born in the family and like everyone else he too started growing fast. He was naughtier than anyone else though and when angry used to call his dad by his first name. However he always managed to get away with it as everyone though that the kid was only addressing his dad by the south Indian linguistic equivalent of the term ‘Dad’. Naming him almost led to a communal battle and after a lot of consideration he was given the perfect name. It was the ideal example of non-communalism and to give it a dose of national integration the kid was always made to wear a Sikh turban. Thus was born the turban clad Robert Raj Rahi. More on him some other time......


Epilogue: Please do not try to see reason in the above story. The purpose was neither to redeem any character nor to bring out a moral from the story. The reason the above piece of writing was posted are a few-
1. I had received comments on my previous post that I have to stop writing only about corporate politics and look at something different.
2. A very well renowned fellow blogger Sidin Vadakut, has been turning out to be among my biggest inspiration for writing. The above style of writing has been influenced by his posts.
3. Though the characters are completely fictitious, some of the names, family details and backgrounds are inspired by some people I have known in life.
4. Finally and most importantly – I have been writing only for a couple of weeks now and have written not more than 4 posts. I’m sincerely trying to imbibe a style of writing and humor is something that I’m endeavoring to achieve.
Since it’s an ambition to start writing short stories, I decided that I needed a start irrespective of how good or how long the start is. Thus this post was born. Comments and Critiques on the above story, it’s style and anything else is very much appreciated and would certainly help me do better.......